“On the Road with Archie and Edith (live)”

Davy: Hey, what about this band then, are they alright? Are they good or what? Come on, folks. So listen, here’s the deal. We, we have this tour bus that we occasionally go on, it’s right now being, it’s being, it’s being repossessed, but we-we-we’re working on it. We have this tour bus, right, and so, it’s unbelievable. It’s got like twelve bunks in it, and we, you know, we all choose the bunks, and we each, and we, off we go, we come back about six months later. But you know, on-on-on the bunk we all sort of got these rooms the back with like sorta video games. He’s always playing the bloody games, so you can’t play nothing in the back there. But, it’s like, you can’t watch movies, but sometimes when we all get together, um, we-we sort of like mess about and do, do bits, and pieces and we show off with each other, and the other night, they were doing this thing from All in the Family, right?
?: Mm-hmm.
Davy: Okay?
?: Yeah.
Davy: You gonna do it?
?: Yeah.
Davy: Okay, here’s the deal. G—he’s gonna, he’s gonna play Edith, of course, do the Edith thing. Right. And he’s playing Archie, Archie, you know, talks like this, you know, hey, what’s you’se doing, you know. I’ve only been in the country two days, I’m speakin’ the language. It’s unbelievable. So anyway, what happens is Gloria, the daughter, is gonna have a baby, okay. So, Edith has gotta go up into the attic to get some supplies. She’s gotta go way up into the attic to get supplies.
?: Way up in the attic.
Davy: Way up in the attic to get supplies. There she goes, up into the attic. There’s plaster falling off the ceiling. She’s far too high in the attic. Oh, there comes a foot through the ceiling. Anyway, so he’s waiting for his beer, she’s gone up to get supplies ’cause Gloria’s going to have a baby. Okay, take it from there. The same as you did the other night.
?: Okay.
Davy: Mind you, I had seventeen lemonades, and it was funny then.
?: Are you going to laugh the same way that you did the other day?
Davy: No, uh, no, I can’t wet myself on stage.
?: Oh, okay.
?: Edith! Edith Bunker, where are you, Edith Bunker? I been lookin’ for you all day! You know, if they invented a pill for dingbats, she’d have a lifetime subscription over these, you know what I mean? Oh, Edith, oh please, Edith, my eyes, Edith, please don’t, please don’t shake like that, you kinda resemble a sack full of ferrets havin’ a fight. Now Edith, I see a beautifully set dinner table with the flowers and the napkins and the placemats and the beer, everything, there’s no dinner on it, Edith! And there’s no beer in the beer glass, the most important thing But where have you been all day, that’s the question.
?: Well, Archie, you know Gloria just had the baby. Yeaaah. Yeaaah. Ohhh. Ohhh. So I was upstairs with Sybil Gooley looking for the bassinet. Yeaaah.
?: I got your Sybil Gooley right here, Edith. Now, Edith, bassinet?
?: Yes. Yes.
?: Edith, you know he ain’t old enough to play one of those yet. Now would you kindly stifle your big bad self and get the dinner on the table there, huh?
Davy: Ha ha. Oh ha ha. Oh man. Ha ha. I can’t wait ’til we get to E.R., whatever that was. We do operations and everything on the stage. It’ll be wonderful.