First Train to Clarksville Script

MACK:
This is Gary Mack with another taped report on the way to meet The Monkees aboard the last train to Clarksville. Hi, John! Johnny Williams!

WILLIAMS:
How are ya, Gary? Boy, having a great time here.

MACK:
What are you doing?

WILLIAMS:
Well, I’ll tell ya, I had something funny happen to me a couple of minutes ago. You know, we have a big dance car with the donnybrooks (???) back here a couple of cars, and a little old lady came up to me—

MACK:
Yeah?

WILLIAMS:
—a couple of minutes ago and asked me if this was the train to Pasadena.

MACK:
A little old lady aboard this train?

WILLIAMS:
That’s right! I don’t know how she did it, but—

MACK:
I hope you directed her properly to Clarksville.

WILLIAMS:
Yeah, she’s gonna swing with us down there.

MACK:
I saw her back there in her tennys doing the Watusi.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack aboard the last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack riding on the last train to Clarksville, another taped report from the scene as the excitement continues, riding in the last car of the last train to Clarksville. It’s a screening car, and everybody here is digging a preview of The Monkees’ new TV show. More excitement when we arrive in Clarksville. We’ll be greeted by the mayor, have a beach party, and meet The Monkees when they arrive in their helicopters. Just part of the fun on the last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack with another taped report on the way to meet The Monkees from Union Station aboard the last train to Clarksville. We’re entering one of the entertainment cars right now, and you can tell what’s going on here. Everybody’s having a good time on the last train to Clarksville!

MACK:
What do you think of The Monkees’ new TV show?

GIRL:
Oh, I love it. It’s really good.

MACK:
Well, we’re gonna be meeting The Monkees in just a little while when we pull into Clarksville. This is Gary Mack riding that last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack. We just departed the last train to Clarksville. We’re in Clarksville right now and heading for the beach. We’re following the boss gorilla with the boss brass playing in the background. We’re about to have a boss blast and meet The Monkees and then ride back to L.A. aboard the last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack with another taped report on all the excitement this afternoon as we are now in Clarksville. We’re following the boss gorilla to the beach, and let’s see if we can talk to the boss gorilla right now. Boss gorilla? How you feel today?

GORILLA:
[growling] Good.

MACK:
[growling] “Good.” Okay. We’re on the way to the beach right now. We’re gonna have a blast and meet The Monkees and depart back to L.A. aboard the last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack at the beach in Clarksville. Here comes one of the helicopters, meaning that some of The Monkees are gonna be arriving here right now. They’re landing on our pad, and it’s getting very windy. We’ll be out there to meet ’em in just a moment, and then heading back to L.A. aboard the last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack at the beach in Clarksville. The Monkees have just set down in both their helicopters. Here comes Micky and Peter out of one helicopter. From the other, Mike and Davy, and they’ll be coming over here in just a moment. We’ll be able to say hi to them I hope, and then down to the beach for the bash with the four hundred Monkee troopers, soon back to L.A. aboard the last train to Clarksville.

MACK:
Hi Davy!

DAVY:
Hello there. How are you, mate?

MACK:
How you doing?

DAVY:
Not bad.

MACK:
How was the trip down?

DAVY:
Uh… scary.

MACK:
Ha ha! Well, we’ll have a nice ride back.

DAVY:
I hope so. I can’t wait to get on the train and play.

MACK:
We have Peter cornered. We’re heading down to the beach right now. Pete, how was the trip?

PETER:
Fine, thank you. How was your own?

MACK:
Oh, we had a nice quiet ride compared to yours, I imagine.

PETER:
Well, it was a little noisy, but, uh, fun with all.

MACK:
We’re looking forward to getting you aboard the train in a little while, having you play for everybody.

PETER:
Well, uh, not to be standard about it or anything, but we’re looking forward to being on the train. It’ll be one of our first chances of actually playing for the people, and we’re very excited about it.

MACK:
How was the trip there, Micky?

MICKY:
It was really wild. It was outta sight, man.

MACK:
Well, Davy said it was a little spooky, but uh—

MICKY:
Well, I dunno, it was just exciting. It was exciting!

MACK:
Right! Right!

MICKY:
Yeah! Sort of a thrill, man.

MACK:
Well, we’re gonna have quite an easy trip back, and we look forward to you playing and talking to all the Monkee troopers.

MICKY:
Oh, this is really wild!

MACK:
Mike? How was the trip?

MIKE:
I was a little sick. Heh heh heh!

MACK:
You look a little green.

MIKE:
I feel a little green. Nice greasy ???

MACK:
Maybe after we get back aboard the train, things’ll work out a little better. It’s quite a mob scene now.

MIKE:
Don’t know.

MACK:
Everybody is—

MIKE:
I’m looking forward to getting on the train.

MACK:
Well, we’ll see you aboard the last train to Clarksville, Mike. Thank you very much.

MACK:
This is Gary Mack with another taped report aboard the last train to Clarksville with The Monkees, and we have Peter Tork cornered here. Hi, Pete.

PETER:
Hi, Gary.

MACK:
How did you enjoy your trip today?

PETER:
Well, it was a little strenuous, but mostly I enjoyed it quite a bit. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you and all the boss jocks for how much help you gave us, and how nice it is to work with you all.

MACK:
Oh, Peter, thank you very much.

PETER:
Boss gang of boss jocks.

MACK:
Thank you!

PETER:
Be sure and watch the show. Fun, frolic, and gaiety, as it were, hm.

MACK:
Pete, thanks very much. We wish you all the best.

PETER:
Thank you, Gary. We wish you the best too.

MACK:
We’re heading back to L.A., and we’re between two shows with The Monkees. We wanna talk to David over here. Davy? How are you?

DAVY:
Oh, I’m not bad. Thanks.

MACK:
Worn out after all those shows?

DAVY:
Uhh, yeah. I’m a bit tired.

MACK:
We’ve got a couple more to go, you know, and I noticed that while you were up there, a lot of the girls were hollering your name. Does that bother you in any way?

DAVY:
Um, well, if they come running towards me, I’m gonna run towards them, you know.

MACK:
Oh, well.

DAVY:
I like people. Otherwise I wouldn’t be in the business, would I?

MACK:
Ha ha, okay, thank you very much, David.

DAVY:
Thanks very much, mate.

MACK:
We have Micky cornered. Hi, Mick.

MICKY:
Hi. How are ya?

MACK:
Are you tired out after today?

MICKY:
Yeah. Very.

MACK:
We’re just about into the station, and the day’s almost finished. It’s kinda sad in a way.

MICKY:
Yeah, it’s really, you know, the end is always like very depressing. It was really a lot of fun. I couldn’t believe it, man. So exciting.

MACK:
What did you think of all the Monkee troopers? Did it scare you in any way when they came rushing up on the stage?

MICKY:
Yeah! It really did. I didn’t—geez, I was very surprised that like so many kids were here. It was really wonderful.

MACK:
We wish you the best of luck, Micky, and thanks so much.

MICKY:
Thank you very much, Gary.

MACK:
The trip is just about over. We’re about to pull into Union Station in L.A.

MIKE:
[mumbling]

MACK:
Heh, we have a couple of fellas cornered, a couple of The Monkees, in fact. Mike, how was the trip?

MIKE:
It was a gas.

MACK:
And you met a lot of nice people today.

MIKE:
Yeah, I met millions of nice people. Incredible, I didn’t know all those people were on the train—

MACK:
Where are the rest of The Monkees?

MIKE:
—’til they all came up on the stage. You know, when they all got up on the stage, we were in big trouble.

MACK:
They certainly swarmed you on the last show there. Did you feel that you were in any trouble?

MIKE:
Yes.

MACK:
Do you think that you’re gonna have any problems after the show goes on the air?

MIKE:
No, we figure it’ll be a failure.

MACK:
Oh. Thanks a lot, Mike.

MIKE:
Sure, sure. Any time.

MACK:
We just had a winner of another color television set here. Jeri Mastro of Granada Hills. Jeri? Jeri? What did you think when they called you up?

JERI:
UHH! I just practically DIED!

MACK:
You practically DIED?

JERI:
Yeah! I couldn’t believe it!

MACK:
David kissed you, I note.

JERI:
UHHHHH!

MACK:
I’m sorry to say the day is about coming to an end. We’re pulling into the Union Station here in Los Angeles after quite a fun-filled day. We got to meet The Monkees after they arrived in their helicopter at Clarksville, and all the way back to L.A., they performed for us in their own private car. Four color television sets were won by four happy boss listeners, and it’s been quite a day. This is Gary Mack aboard the last train to Clarksville.