Dallas Williams Screen Test Transcript

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, Dallas? What’s your scene, man? I mean, you got, come on, like with a straight jacket and all buttoned down.

DALLAS:
Oh, it’s good, I got my-my French cuffs on it. No, I had a terrible mistake. I got a haircut two days ago, and I was under pressure to get a haircut.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Do guys stop you? About your hair?

DALLAS:
And I was supposed to get a haircut, and I told him, like just—’cause it was a little fuzzy in the back, you know.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Yeah.

DALLAS:
And I said, I said, “just take the furs off of it” and don’t touch the front.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Take the what off it? I can’t hear you, Dallas.

DALLAS:
The furs, you know, like the, uh…

??? (O.S.):
Split ends.

DALLAS:
Yeah, the split ends.

??? (O.S.):
And the hairspray. That’s terrible.

DALLAS:
But they get behind ya, and-and, uh, you don’t know what they’re doing, and they cut it off, ’cause they think for two and a quarter they should do something.

??? (O.S.):
And they’re behind you and you don’t know what they’re doing?

DALLAS:
And they like hair all over the place, you know, and they say, “well, you know, we really did it here”.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Well, look, man—

DALLAS:
Gonna hill him.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I mean, what’s it like putting barbers out of work? You know, there are unions, you know, man?

DALLAS:
Yeah, I know. I go to a non-union barber.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, hey, Dallas? Where you from?

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Where?

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Ketchikan?

DALLAS:
K-E-T-C-H-I-K-A-N.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Wait, hold it down, fellas; I can’t hear him.

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Ketchikan, Alaska?

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska, on the island of Revillagigedo.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
When did—how did you get—

??? (O.S.):
It’s okay.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
How did you get down here, man?

??? (O.S.):
Swam.

??? (O.S.):
Took an iceberg.

DALLAS:
No, uh, I came down with my mother.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Is, was she a pioneer type?

DALLAS:
Was she as use to me. [???]

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Is she a pioneer type chick?

DALLAS:
No. She didn’t like it at all.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
How long were you up there?

DALLAS:
Uh, ’bout a year. Then we came out here.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I asked you where you were born, you told me Alaska, man.

DALLAS:
I was born in Alaska.

??? (O.S.):
He was only there—

DALLAS:
And I was up there a year. And then I went to Seattle for a while.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Yeah. Yeah.

??? (O.S.):
How was that?

DALLAS:
And, uh, Seattle?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What happened there?

DALLAS:
It’s a putrid town. Um, wasted some time until my father got out of the army, and then we came down here.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Your old man’s in the army?

DALLAS:
No. No.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Who got out of the army?

DALLAS:
My father got out of the army.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What was he in? What-what kinda army is that?

DALLAS:
Uh—our side.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I mean, a pro?

DALLAS:
No. It was during the war. I was a—I’m a war baby.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Where’d you get that song from?

DALLAS:
From the Holy Modal Rounders.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Where-where are they out of?

DALLAS:
Steve Weber and Peter Stampfel.

GUY WITH GLASSES:
They’re out of the Village in New York.

DALLAS:
Actually, Buck’s County, Pennsylvania.

GUY WITH GLASSES:
That little ???.

DALLAS:
Right in there, baby. It’s happening.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, Dallas, let me ask you something. How did you get that name, Dallas?

DALLAS:
Uh, it’s a family name. It’s a Welsh name.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Yeah?

DALLAS:
Means “dweller by the waterfall”.

GUY WITH GLASSES:
Oh, he can do some Scottish calls if you want him to.

DALLAS:
Sure, you wanna hear a Scottish call?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What are you, his manager, ???, or something like that, man? Look, the guy with the glasses on, he suddenly became a manager.

GUY WITH GLASSES (O.S.):
Uh, clear yourself out.

DALLAS:
Irish?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Uh, Scottish.

DALLAS:
♪ Ah, McTavish is dead, and his brother don’t know ♪
♪ And his brother is dead, and McTavish don’t know it ♪
♪ They’re both lying dead in the same bed ♪
♪ And neither one knows that the other is dead ♪

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Oh my god, you’re all completely flipped out here.

DALLAS:
The Irish one goes, uh.
♪ Mary Mahoney, she’s getting so funny ♪
♪ She won’t be about on Saint Patrick’s Day ♪
♪ She’s sparing the brass for to buy a jackass ♪
♪ Will you take her to Mass on a Sunday ♪
Woo!

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Alright, everybody—