Camera Tests Script

MICKY DOLENZ:
The surf’s starting to rise. Wanna go?

DAVY JONES:
Maybe later.

MICKY DOLENZ:
Whatever you say. What’s bugging ya?

DAVY JONES:
A hundred and fifty bucks. We could’ve used that job.

MICKY DOLENZ:
A job’s a job; there’ll be others. Now, what’s really bugging ya?

DAVY JONES:
Well, she’s a groovy kid, you know.

MICKY DOLENZ:
Yeah, I know. So?

DAVY JONES:
Nothing. It’s just that… now she fails her exams and all.

MICKY DOLENZ:
Look. You didn’t hang her up, she got hung up.

DAVY JONES:
What’s the difference? She’s in trouble.

MICKY DOLENZ:
So what do you wanna do?

DAVY JONES:
I want to help her.

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
Sure you want to help her. I’d like to help S.J. too, but I can’t; he’s feeble-minded.

BILL CALLAWAY:
Hey, knock it off, fellas. Hey, Wendell’s right. We should help Vanessa.

BILL CALLAWAY:
Hey. Surf’s starting to rise. Hey, wanna go?

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
Maybe later.

BILL CALLAWAY:
Whatever you say. What’s bugging you?

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
A hundred and fifty bucks. We could’ve used that job.

BILL CALLAWAY:
Hey, a job is a job; there’ll be others. Now what’s really bugging ya?

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
Well, sh-she’s a groovy kid, you know?

BILL CALLAWAY:
Yeah, I know. So?

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
Nothing. It’s-it’s just that now she blows her exams and all.

BILL CALLAWAY:
Well, look, it’s not your problem. She got herself hung up.

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
What’s the difference? She’s in trouble.

BILL CALLAWAY:
So what do you wanna do?

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
I want to help her!

MICKY DOLENZ:
Sure you want to help her. I want to help S.J., but I can’t; he’s feeble-minded.

DAVY JONES:
Knock it off. Wendell’s right. We should help Vanessa.

[Bill Chadwick plays the end of The Beatles’ “Yesterday” on the guitar.]

MIKE NESMITH:
Hey, surf’s starting to rise. Wanna go?

BILL CHADWICK:
Maybe later.

MIKE NESMITH:
Hey, come on, man. Let’s go to the beach.

BILL CHADWICK:
No, man, I don’t wanna go.

MIKE NESMITH:
What’s bugging you?

BILL CHADWICK:
A hundred and fifty bucks, man. We could’ve used that job.

MIKE NESMITH:
Oh, wow, yeah. Well, a job’s a job; we’ll get another one. Hey, come on, really, what’s really bugging you?

BILL CHADWICK:
Well, she-she’s a groovy kid, you know.

MIKE NESMITH:
Oh. Yeah, I know. Hm. So?

BILL CHADWICK:
Oh, nothing. It’s just, now she blows her exams and all.

MIKE NESMITH:
Oh, hey, look. She got hung up, man. You didn’t hang her up.

BILL CHADWICK:
What’s the difference? She’s in trouble.

MIKE NESMITH:
Okay, so what do you wanna do?

BILL CHADWICK:
I want to help her.

PETER TORK:
Sure you want to help her. I want to help S.J. too, but I can’t; he’s feeble-minded.

???:
Hey, knock it off. Wendell’s right. We should help Vanessa.

PETER TORK:
♪ ’Round my back door someday ♪

???:
The surf’s starting to rise. Hey, do you wanna go?

PETER TORK:
Maybe later.

???:
Whatever you say. What’s bugging you?

PETER TORK:
A hundred and fifty bucks. We could’ve used that job.

???:
Hey, look, a job is a job; we’ll find another one. Hey, now what’s really bugging ya?

PETER TORK:
Well, she’s a groovy kid, you know?

???:
Yeah, I know. So?

PETER TORK:
So nothing. It’s just that now she blew her exams and all.

???:
Look, you didn’t hang her up, she got hung up.

PETER TORK:
What’s the difference? She’s in trouble.

???:
So what do you wanna do?

PETER TORK:
I want to help her.

BILL CHADWICK:
Sure you want to help her. I want to help S.J. too, but I can’t; he’s feeble-minded.

MIKE NESMITH:
Come on, knock it off, fellas. Wendell’s right. We should help Vanessa.

PETER TORK:
Howdy Doody Time, for crying out loud.

MICKY DOLENZ:
Lawrence Welk, one ??? violins and a kazoo, ???, Soupy Sales, isn’t that beautiful. Cool it! Our album.

PETER TORK:
That’s embarrassing. We only sold two of them all last year.

MICKY DOLENZ:
And I bought one of ’em.

BILL CALLAWAY:
I can’t understand it. What do the Beatles have that we don’t have?

PETER TORK:
Mm…

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
Mm…

BILL CALLAWAY:
Mm…

BILL CALLAWAY, DALLAS WILLIAMS, MICKY DOLENZ, PETER TORK:
♪ Thirteen million dollars. ♪

PETER TORK:
Uh, good afternoon. May I be of assistance, sir?

MAN:
Yes. I want to buy something for my fifteen year old niece. I guess she’d go for one of these “headache” records.

PETER TORK:
Yes, don’t these teenagers have atrocious taste?

MICKY DOLENZ:
Uh, pardon me, sir. If you don’t mind, sir. I couldn’t help overhearing, sir. I happen to be one of your typical teenagers, sir. Maybe I can be of some assistance, sir?

MAN:
Yes, I’m looking for an appropriate gift for a teenage girl.

MICKY DOLENZ:
How ’bout a teenage boy?

PETER TORK:
Sir, I can’t—may I, uh, recommend this record by the Monkees. I guarantee a migraine.

MAN:
The Monkees?

PETER TORK:
Mm-hm.

MAN:
I never heard of the Monkees.

PETER TORK:
You never heard of the Monkees?

BILL CALLAWAY:
You never heard of the Monkees?

DALLAS WILLIAMS, MICKY DOLENZ:
You never heard of the Monkees?

BILL CALLAWAY, DALLAS WILLIAMS, MICKY DOLENZ, PETER TORK:
He’s never heard of the Monkees!

MAN:
What do the Monkees sound like?

BILL CALLAWAY, DALLAS WILLIAMS, MICKY DOLENZ, PETER TORK:
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ahh-ahh-ahh…

MAN:
I’ll take it.

MICKY DOLENZ:
He took it?

PETER TORK:
He took it.

BILL CALLAWAY:
He took it.

DALLAS WILLIAMS:
He took it.

BILL CALLAWAY, DALLAS WILLIAMS, MICKY DOLENZ, PETER TORK:
Ook-ook-ook… ahh-ahh-ahh… eh.

MIKE NESMITH:
Ernest in ???, Ernest ???, Happy in Hawaii—Happy in Hawaii? What is this? Hey, look! Our album.

DAVY JONES:
It’s embarrassing; we sold only two albums last year.

MIKE NESMITH:
Yeah, and to think, I bought one of ’em.

???:
What is it that the Beatles have that we don’t have?

MIKE NESMITH:
Hm…

???:
Hm…

BILL CHADWICK:
Hm…

BILL CHADWICK, DAVY JONES, MIKE NESMITH, ???:
♪ Thirteen million dollars. ♪

DAVY JONES:
Good evening. May I be of service, sir?

MAN:
I’d like to get something for my fifteen year old niece. I guess she’d go for one of these “headache” records.

DAVY JONES:
Yes, don’t these teenagers have atrocious taste?

MIKE NESMITH:
Uh, pardon me, sir. Uh, I couldn’t help overhearing, sir, if you don’t mind, sir. I-I’m a typical teenager, and I’d like to be of some assistance, sir.

MAN:
Well, I’d like to get an appropriate gift for a teenage girl.

MIKE NESMITH:
Oh, well, um, how about a teenage boy?

DAVY JONES:
Uh, may I suggest sir, this album here by the Monkees. I guarantee a migraine.

MAN:
The Monkees? I never heard of the Monkees.

DAVY JONES:
You’ve never heard of the Monkees?

BILL CHADWICK:
You’ve never heard of the Monkees?

MIKE NESMITH, ???:
You’ve never heard of the Monkees?

BILL CHADWICK, DAVY JONES, MIKE NESMITH, ???:
He’s never heard of the Monkees!

MAN:
What do the Monkees sound like?

BILL CHADWICK, DAVY JONES, MIKE NESMITH, ???:
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ahh-ahh-ahh…

MAN:
I’ll take it.

MIKE NESMITH:
He’ll take it? Gimme that.

[Mike strums a guitar.]

BILL CHADWICK, DAVY JONES, MIKE NESMITH, ???:
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ee-ee-ee…

MIKE NESMITH:
Ooh. Bleh. Bleh.