Well, first off, let’s get one thing perfectly straight. A Monkee’s heart is not easy to win! I mean, SURE, a Monkee’s heart may be a swinging thing to have, but to HAVE it isn’t an easy thing to swing! Especially if that heart happens to belong to one of the four hard-to-get but easy-to-love Monkees, Davy Jones, Peter Tork, Micky Dolenz, or Mike Nesmith!
But anyway, if you’ve definitely decided to give it a go (and for some reason, I’m dead sure that you are, and you must be surely dead if you’re not,) then just answer the Monkee quiz below, mail your completed responses to your fave FIFTEEN! And then? Why we’ll take the correct entries, put them all in a barrel, have a drawing, and the lucky winner will receive—. Will receive what? What? That’s right, you guess it! Nothing! Nothing? Nothing! That’s right, luv, this quiz is just for fun! But why not have a go at it anyway? Check your answers with the best answers shown on page 49, and see how close YOU’LL come if you’re ever actually given the chance to WIN THE HEART OF A MONKEE!
1. If you bumped into any one of the four Monkees on a street corner, what would be the first thing you should say?
(a) A banana for your thoughts?
(b) Didn’t I see you in a “Hard Day’s Night?”
(c) Excuse me, I think I’m going to faint.
(d) Haven’t I wanted to meet you somewhere before?
(e) I love you, I love you, I love you!
2. If you were on the beach with Davy Jones, just laying there in the sun, and some square drag came up and started making fun of Davy’s long hair, how should you ease the situation and make Davy feel better?
(a) Kick sand in his face (the bully’s, that is).
(b). Explain to Davy that some of your best friends have long hair.
(c) Kick sand in Davy’s face.
(d) Tell him (Davy) that you love him.
(e) Tell the bully that you love him.
3. If you were at a drive-in movie with Micky Dolenz, and he turned to you, looked into your eyes, and planted a strong right arm about your shoulder, what should you do?
(a) Hit him in the mouth and break his strong right arm? (b) Offer him some popcorn?
(c) Explain to him that you’re not that kind of girl?
(d) Explain to him that you ARE that kind of girl?
(e) Grab his other arm, explain nothing, and kiss him till exhausted?
4. If you were at a swinging party, and all of a sudden Peter Tork arrived, waded his way through half a dozen other girls, and then asked only YOU to dance, what should you say?
(a) “What took you so long?”
(b) “Only if I can lead.”
(c) “Just dance?”
(d) “Get lost.”
(e) “Where’s Davy?”
5. If you, Mike Nesmith, and Mike’s wife Phyllis were somehow stranded on a deserted island, and there was no hope of rescue, how should you convince Phyllis that she just HAD to share Mike with you?
(a) Ask nicely.
(b) Demand him.
(c) Explain the advantages of being friendly.
(d) Call her “Scrooge!”
6. If you were given the chance to personally communicate your enthusiasm for the Monkees, but were allowed only to use the words of some famous song title with which to do it, what song title should you choose to best express your deepest feelings?
(a) You Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog.
(b) I’ll Be True To You.
(c) If You Were Only Half What You Think You Are, And Twice What You Are, You’d Still Be Nothing.
(d) I Want You, I Need You, You Owe Me Money.
7. If Micky Dolenz all of a sudden flew into your home town, and you ALONE were responsible for meeting him when he got off the plane, what should be the first thing you would say or do?
(a) Tell him your hometown doesn’t have an airport?
(b) Whistle an aria from the opera Aida?
(c) Scream, and then faint?
(d) Faint, and THEN scream?
(e) Offer him 7,249 beer nuts?
8. Taking into account Peter Tork’s avid interest in famous figures of World History, what famous world figure should you claim to have a great deal of knowledge about, if you desire to really impress him?
(a) Teddy Roosevelt?
(d) All the figures from 1 through 9?
9. If Davy Jones, by some ultra sooper magic, was suddenly transported right into your very own room, and then your parents, by not so sooper magic, happened to find out, how should you hurry Davy out of the house without hurting his feelings?
(a) Drop hints at seven week intervals?
(b) Tell him your father has a gun?
(c) Explain to him that in real life you are a vampire?
(d) Disclose the whole truth and nothing but the truth, sweetly, softly, calmly, and hysterically?
10. If luck should have it that any ONE of the three remaining unmarried Monkees suddenly asked you to marry him, what should properly be your first response?
(a) How about another drink?
(b) Only if you’ll give me your autograph!
(c) What’d you say your name was?
(d) What’s in it for me?
(e) YES YES YES!
Best answers to Monkee Quiz on page 13: