Monkees Are the Craziest People

You won’t believe the wayout lines the Monkees fed our Marilyn Beck!

Q. When did the four of you first meet? Here, for the series?

A. What time is it? 3 ½ hours ago.
A. All kidding aside, I first met Mike at the Rafters, a club in Santa Monica.

Q. When was that?

A. 3 ½ hours ago.

Q. Davy, I know you planned to be a jockey at first?

A. No short jokes. (Peter)
A. Don’t kid Davy about his height, stand up and show ’em how tall you are. (Micky)
A. I am standing up.
A. See what we mean, no short jokes. (Peter)

Q. Are any of you married?

A. Yes. (Pete) I’m married to Micky.
A. Micky is going steady. (Davy)
A. Yeh, and I’m getting married about then and if he don’t knock it off, man the deal is off. (Micky)
A. I won’t say the steak is terrible, but it’s pretty bad.

Q. Outside of being married to each other, are any of you married?

A. What do you think we are—bigamists? (Pete)
A. For crying out loud, give us a break. (Mike) Whatever you say, Peter, don’t use Jesus, God… Whatever you do…

Q. Never!

A. Whatever you say, don’t say nectarine. Cause that’s bad. (Davy)
A. Nectarine! (Micky)
A. Where’s there a nectarine? (Pete)

Q. Just so I’m not totally confused when I leave, just answer me one question straight. How many of you are from England and how many from the U.S.?

A. Yes. (David)

Q. Alright! What do you think of American teenagers?

A. Yes. Middle-East. (Mike)
A. Oh, you mean American Teenagers? (Micky)
A. I would say Fritos. (David)
A. You’re Fritos. (Micky)

Q. What do you think of long haircuts?

A. Long hair is going out. (Mike)
A. It’ll never replace popcorn. (Micky)
A. I think long hair with the proper merchandising… (Pete)
A. Could somebody tell me what’s in here, please! (Davy)
A. It’s an eg-g. (Micky)
A. Would you say it’s an eg-g. I didn’t have the learning you know, I don’t have the Latin to know these things, you see. (Davy)
A. It’s an eg-g. (Micky)
A. You think it’s an eg-g? (Davy)
A. I know it’s an eg-g. (Micky)
A. How do you know it’s an eg-g? (Davy)
A. I can tell because little chickens are in it. (Micky)
A. There are some chickies in there somewhere. (Davy)
A. There’s a chicken, oh, I’m sorry, that wasn’t a chicken. (Micky)

Note: This is all going on while David and Micky are running their hands through a bowl of potato salad on the table. Peter said that he had wanted some of that and to stop playing with it. And Davy said, “Don’t worry I’ve only been picking my nose.”

Q. What do you fellows think of the English Mod fashions?

A. Oh, Mod fashions. (Mike)
A. In mod opinion, I don’t know. (Davy)
A. Automobiles. (Micky)
A. No, I always say tomato. (Davy)

Q. Do you fellows live together?

A. Yes, we all live in Los Angeles. (Pete)
A. No, she asked us if we live together. (Mike)
A. Micky and I share a house. And Mike and I share a house. (Davy)

Q. At the beach, or Hollywood or where?

A. Well, we have a house in Hollywood and we have a house in Beverly Glen. And we have a house in Malibu Canyon and a house in Anaheim. (Davy)

Q. What do you fellows do for recreation?

A. What would you like? I have the time; do you have the money? (Pete)

Q. What kind of a car do you drive?

A. We have a car between us. (Mike)

Q. Aren’t you getting on each other’s nerves, if you live together and work together?

A. We hate one another, we hate one another, I said. (Micky)
A. We hate everyone. We hate each other. I hate Micky and Pete and Mike. (Davy)
A. We hate each other, oh yes, we do. (Micky)
A. That’s another bit of scandal there, pick up on it. (Davy)

Q. How long have you been in this country, David?

A. I’ve been here for four years. (Davy)

Q. Is the hair long for the series, or was it long before?

A. It’s very long for the series, normally for a series it’s much shorter, but for this series, it’s longer. (Mike)
A. Actually, I’m waiting until my eye brows get longer so I can brush my hair over my head. (Pete)

Q. Did you go to college?

A. Yeh, well, once. (Pete)

Q. What college?

A. Hard knocks. (Pete)

Q. What about you, Micky, did you go to college?

A. Did I? (Micky)
A. Yes, you did. (Davy)

Q. Where?

A. Shall I say Valley State, UCLA? (Micky)
A. What about UCLA. (David)

Q. Alright, forget it!

A. Don’t tell them anything, it’ll destroy their image. (Davy)
A. I can’t tell them I went to college because it’ll destroy their image, man. (Micky)
A. I was taking advance nuclear, theoretical electronics at UCLA. I have a bachelor’s degree at Oxford in Shakesperean and Modern Lit. (Pete)

Q. What do you think of the kids who protest at Cal?

A. Less. (Pete)
A. Protesting where? Are there people protesting at Cal? (Mike)
A. What are they protesting about? (David)

Q. What were you going to say David? For a moment I had the feeling you were going to say something straight.

A. Actually I don’t have any opinion. I think it’s a bit much. Everybody knows how everybody feels, you don’t have to protest. (Davy)

Q. Have any of you fellows been in the service?

A. I haven’t. (Micky)
A. I’ve served my parents for the longest time. (Pete)
A. Mike was in the Air Force. (Micky)
A. He was the only man in history to turn over the general’s airplane. (Davy)
A. I tried to join, but they wouldn’t take me. (Pete)
A. Two heads are a terrible thing. (Micky)
A. I just walked in and said, ‘Listen here, I want to get in this man’s army!’ (Pete)
A. Oh, you do, eh, son? (Mike)
A. Yes, I do. (Pete)

Q. What about you, Pete?

A. They wouldn’t take me. One of my legs is shorter than the other. (Pete)
A. Is that why you lisp? (Mike)
A. Well, maybe you could fight on the side of a hill. (Micky)

Q. What did you fellows do before you got into show business?

A. Quite a lot. (Mike)

Q. What about you, Micky, what did you do before the series?

A. I was a failure. (Micky)

Q. At what?

A. I used to stand in front of the doctor’s office making people sick. (Micky)
A. Mick used to have a different name, you know. (Mike)
A. He used to be Cesar Romero.
A. I decided I was going to get my name in Life and become famous, so I changed my name to Exit. Then for a while I used to ride shotgun in a garbage truck. (Micky)
A. I had a lot of jobs. I had a lot of jobs, let’s see what were some other jobs I had. (Pete)
A. I never even knew you worked, man. For a long time you thought manual labor was a Mexican. (Micky)
A. I was really stupid. (Pete)
A. And that Sherlock Holmes was a housing development. (Micky)

Q. This is for our teen magazine, but keep it up boys. Let’s get back to your house, do you live at the beach?

A. Let’s get back to something. (Davy)
A. Let’s get back to earth. (Mike)

Q. Do you have brothers and sisters, Mike?

A. No. I don’t. (Mike)

Q. When you were in the Air Force, did you serve overseas?

A. No, I didn’t. (Mike)
A. What’s this 20 questions? (David)
A. Is it bigger than a breadbox? (Micky)
A. No, it’s not. (Davy)
A. Smaller than a breadbox. (Micky)
A. Yes, it is. (Davy)
A. Does it have two eyes and two ears and two legs? (Pete)
A. No, it doesn’t. (Davy)
A. Is it animal, mineral or vegetable? (Micky)
A. She’s not so much smaller than a breadbox. (Pete)
A. You don’t know the breadbox we’re talking about. (Davy)

Q. Mike, where are you from?

A. San Francisco. (Mike)

Q. Mike, are you going steady with anyone?

A. Yes. (Mike)

Q. What’s her name?

A. Give me a break, you don’t want me to tell you, baby.

Q. What about you, Davy?

A. No… (Davy)

Q. You don’t like the term steady?

A. It means you’re unreliable. (Mike)

Q. You don’t approve of that?

A. No. (Mike)
A. I think that young kids are grown up too fast nowadays. (Micky)
A. You got to slow down. (Pete)
A. I kenw [sic] a 16-year-old kid who grew 8 inches in one week. (Micky) These kids get out of hand.
A. I think kids should settle down and be solemn and sedate when they’re 1-year-old. They shouldn’t be kids. (Pete)
A. Nobody should have fun. (Davy)
A. I’m Davy’s father and I’m 14. (Micky)
A. I’m his mother and I’m 12. (Mike)

Q. If you don’t approve of the term ‘going steady,’ how would you refer to it…

A. Well, there is a term for going steady that I would prefer.

Q. That makes a lot more sense. One of you is married…

A. No, two of us are married. Me and Davy. (Micky)
A. Will the married person please stand up. (Davy)

Q. Alright, you’re all a bunch of cowards.

Asking each other.
And what did you do for a living?
Really, not very much.
What did you do for a living?
Yes.
What did you do for a living?
Live.

Q. Do you approve of teenage marriage?

A. Yes. (Davy)
A. I’m 14 and Davy’s 13. (Micky)
A. You mean a teenager of 19 and not 13? (Davy)

Q. Right.

A. Are you going to print which one is married? (Davy)

Q. No, I’m just like lost…

A. I am married. (Davy)

Q. Do you have any children?

A. One. (Davy)

Q. How old?

A. 15 months. (Davy)
A. You’re free to use whatever you like, just be prepared for bodily assault. (Mike)
A. But, my wife is in England. (Davy)

Q. Is she coming here?

A. No. (Davy)

Q. Why?

A. Cause we’re getting a divorce. (Davy)

Q. That’s a good reason.

A. She’s not coming out for a while, I’m going to make the money and go back, then we’re going to get married. (Davy)

Q. What if the series goes on for a couple of years?

A. Then she’ll come out. (Davy)

Q. I asked you this before and got a smart answer, what do you fellows do for recreation?

A. What do you THINK we do for recreation? Being young, being here in Hollywood. What DO YOU THINK WE DO

Q. What are some of your pet peeves?

A. I have a little pet peeve that is so cute. (Micky) about this big. It has two heads, one on each end. Funny little guy.
A. Do you have a pet peeve? I didn’t know there were many of those around. (Pete)

Q. What’s your pet peeve, Pete?

A. Bottle caps. (Pete)
A. My pet peeves are a pair I pick up by the ears, they’re called Him and Her. (Davy)

Q. What qualities do you dislike in women?

A. I don’t like to have women with hairy hands and broad shoulders. (Mike)
A. I hate women with hairy legs. With whiskers. (Davy)
A. I like them to have two eyes. I really hate them when they’ve got more than two eyes. (Pete)
A. More than one nose is a drag. (Mike)

Q. What qualities do you like in women?

A. They have to be between 5 ft. and 12 ft. (Mike)
A. Two feet and a couple of arms. (Micky )
A. Micky, you’re so picky. (Davy)
A. I know, I always like them with two arms. (Micky)

Q. Do you dislike bossy women?

A. You’ll notice Micky is the first one to answer. (Mike)
A. I love girls. (Micky)

Q. Davy, what do you think of American teenagers?

A. Wealthy, tall, handsome. (Davy)

Q. Were any of you juvenile delinquents or are you still delinquents?

A. No. (Pete)
A. Most of us were never even juveniles. (Micky)
A. Were you ever a kid? (Davy)
A. No, I was born 47 years old. (Micky)

Q. Were you rebellious from the ages of 13 to 19?

A. No. (Mike)
A. I was a kid from 13 to 19. (Davy)
A. I was in Santo Domingo getting out of the Marines. (Pete)
A. I was wealthy. (Micky)
A. I was tall. (Mike)
A. I was handsome. (Pete)

Q. Did you all graduate from high school?

A. Yes, I did. (Davy)

Q. Any of you honor students?

A. What does that mean? (Davy)

Q. Like getting straight A’s. Being top of your class.

A. I was top of my class, it took a lot of beating to get them down below me (Mike)
A. I used to play soccer for the Manchester Boys. (Davy)
A. I played football when I was on the R team. The varsity had teams A, B and C and I was on the R. team. (Micky)
A. You were the only one on the team, right! (Pete)
A. Me and a couple of girls. (Micky)

Q. Any of you ever hold school office?

A. I held up the school office twice. (Micky)
A. I held the school once against the Marines. (Pete)
A. He got locked in the school office once. (Davy)
A. Well, one time I was in the school office and got locked in. (Mike)

Q. What sort of things make you sad or depressed?

A. When I look at Micky and Peter and Mike. (David)
A. I don’t know, things that make me depressed usually don’t bother other people. No salt, no steak knives.
A. Robert Vaughn. (Pete)
A. Is he stuck? (Davy)
A. I don’t have a key, man. (Mike)
A. Oh no, push him. (Micky)
A. He stopped. (Mike)
A. Wind him up! (Davy)

(Peter pretends he’s a mechanical toy and the other three try to get his track unstuck.)

Q. What do you think about Gov. Ronald Reagan?

A. He plays a good piano, baby. (Pete)
A. I don’t know, I’d like to see President Johnson do one of our shows. (Micky)

Q. What do you think about actors running for political office?

A. What difference does it make? (Davy)
A. What do you think about a bricklayer running for Plymouth Rock? (Micky)
A. Is that an office? (Davy)

Q. Are you going to run for office, what office?

A. At Screen Gems there must be something very nice… (Davy)

Q. Yes, I know, I mean political office?

A. Oh go on, no. Who wants to be president of Manchester… (Davy)
A. I’d like to be king of Burbank! (Micky)