Monkees Primer

Magazine: TeenSet
Editor: Judith Sims
Published:
Volume: 3
Issue: 4
Publisher: Capitol Records Distributing Corp.
Pages: 54–55

In case you don’t know much about them. In case you’ve just been let out…

T is for Television. Mickey Dolenz is no stranger to television. By some strange coincidence, television is no stranger to Mickey Dolenz, either. Mickey made his TV debut years ago! He was the star of a series called “Circus Boy.” The show was about an orphan. This orphan traveled with a turn-of-the-century circus. (Turn, century, turn.) Do you want to be like Mickey and travel with a circus? First, you must find out if you are an orphan. (Your parents will be able to tell you.) On the show, Mickey spent a lot of time with animals. Mickey just loved animals. In later life, Mickey turned into a monkee. Do you just love animals? Do you love them just as much as you did a few minutes ago?

H is for Horn. Peter Tork plays the French horn. Peter also plays the guitar, ukulele, five-string banjo and bass. Peter was always very musical, This is why he decided to become a school teacher. Does this make sense to you? Well, it made sense to Peter during the three years he spent in college. Then he dropped his plans for a teaching career and picked up the piano. He decided that music was the heaviest. If you are really serious about wanting to be an orphan, have your parents help you pick up the piano.

E is for England. England is where it is at. England is also where Davy Jones was at. (Do you have trouble with your grammar? If so, do not fret. After all, your gramper is the one who has to live with her.) While Davy was in England, he became a jockey. He won many races. Then he became a juvenile delinquent. On the BBC, that is. He did such a good job, he got steady work as an actor. Are you too big to be a jockey like Davy used to be? Even if you are, don’t you think you should at least have your own pony? Tell your parents you will become a juvenile delinquent if they don’t buy you one. If that doesn’t work, threaten to drop the piano. That should convince them you aren’t just horsing around.

M is for Monkey. What is the difference between a monkey and a monkee? We are glad you asked. A monkey jumps around a lot and does crazy fun stuff. A monkee jumps around a lot and does crazy fun stuff. Now, are you glad you asked?

O is for Oliver. “Oliver” is the name of a famous British play. When Davy Jones lived in London, he had the lead role in this famous play. He portrayed a character named The Artful Dodger. Now Davy lives in Los Angeles. This makes Los Angeles happy. It is nice to have at least one Artful Dodger.

N is for New York City. Greenwich Village is in New York City. Peter Tork used to play and sing in clubs there. After he was through playing and singing (in clubs there), some one would pass a tambourine. Sometimes people put a little money in the tambourine. Sometimes they didn’t put any. Would you like to have lived in Greenwich Village while Peter was there? So would’ve Peter.

K is for Knit. Mike Nesmith wears a knit hat. He wears a knit hat while he acts. He wears a knit hat while he sings. He wears a knit hat while he plays the guitar. Some people say Mike wears a knit hat all the time. Do you believe them? Do you actually believe there aren’t certain occasions when… er… certain moments… umm… do you actually believe Mike wears a knit hat all the time? If you do, you are never going to get that pony. Your parents aren’t about to listen to a knit-wit like you.

E is for Everything. One cannot have everything. But some people get mad when they can’t have everything. They get mad at the Monkees, for instance. They get mad because the Monkees have been using another group to play the background music on their records. They don’t care that this is because the Monkees feel they haven’t been together long enough to play well enough together. They don’t care that the Monkees rehearse for hours every day so they will soon be able to play their own background music. Are you mad at the Monkees? Or are you mad about the Monkees? If you are mad about them, clap your hands this instant and the people who are mad at them will disappear! Do we feel foolish making such a suggestion? No. What is good enough for Tinker Bell is good enough for us.

E is for Ecstasy. When the idea for “The Monkees” was born, Davy hopefully auditioned. Peter hopefully auditioned. Mickey hopefully auditioned. Mike hopefully auditioned. Do you think Davy and Peter and Mickey and Mike are in Ecstasy because they won the parts (for which they hopefully auditioned)? You do? That just goes to show you haven’t been paying one whit of attention. We’ve already told you they are in California!

S is for Service. There are many kinds of services. Some services are called Rating Services. A Rating Service calls you up and asks you what show you are watching on the telly. Almost every teenager in the country watches “The Monkees.” But the Services have not given “The Monkees” a very good Rating. Why does this happen? Because. Because the Rating Services are very busy on Monday evenings. They are so busy, they forget to make any calls. What is it they’re doing that keeps them so busy? They are watching “The Monkees.”

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