Peter Tork Screen Test Transcript

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Who are you, man?

[Peter opens his mouth wide, but does not speak.]

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
You’re not gonna do that. Sit down here and talk sensibly now.

PETER:
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What was that?

PETER:
It’s the alphabet. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I don’t believe a thing you’re saying. Peter—

PETER:
There’s not much to believe that’s true.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What’s the most bread you ever made in your life?

PETER:
I once got scale.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Playing at a joint?

PETER:
Yeah, playing, for a joint, yeah.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
And you never got—you never got like, you know, like, over scale in your life before?

PETER:
Uh, no. I’ve never got over scale, no.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Alright, now, truly, why, why do you wanna be a Monkee?

PETER:
Well, it’s my natural inheritance. I mean, that’s… life!

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Being a TV star? Has that ever occurred to you, man? Like, we fished you out of nowhere.

PETER:
Ha ha, ha ha, that’s true, ha, ha. I’m eternally grateful too. I—I’ll do anything. Anyth—

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, Peter? Uh, where you from originally?

PETER:
Washington.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
How’d you get out here?

PETER:
Um, it wasn’t easy.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
No, tell me the truth.

PETER:
It was a ’47 Chevy.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Okay.

PETER:
Most of the way.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Anything frantic happen on the way out?

PETER:
Uh, well, it blew.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Whereabouts?

PETER:
Just outside of Las Vegas. It took all of Las Vegas with it. You may have heard about it. It was the major catastrophe of the, of the, of the century.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Something the matter with your mouth.

PETER:
Yeah, isn’t that interesting. Cost me five hundred dollars for this—

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Do guys look at you and say, “Hey, what are you doing with the long hair?” and all that?

PETER:
No, but they often say, “Hey!”… I’m ashamed of my fellow man to tell you what my fellow man actually says to me on the street. Do you know that—

[Peter stands up.]

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What do they say to you?

[Peter sits down.]

PETER:
“Joe Beatle!” They say, “Joe Beatle!” Just ’cause I—do they realize that since history, our founding fathers wore their hair long, Columbus wore his hair long, and—

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Let me ask you something. Hey, Peter? Uh, do guys think you’re a fag with that kind of hair?

PETER:
No, why should they?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Do chicks dig it?

PETER:
They love it. Love to run their fingers through my soft, silky hair.

[Peter starts playing guitar.]

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Do you dig that?

PETER:
Pardon?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I say, do you dig that?

PETER:
Which?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Running their fingers through your soft, silky hair.

PETER:
I prefer the girls.