“Gonna Buy Me a Dog”

Micky: Now? You know my girl… now? Yeah?
You know my girl just called me up
And she woke me from my sleep
Davy: [snores]
Micky: You should, you shoulda heard the things she said
You know she hurt my feelings deep
I’m gonna buy me a dog
Davy: A dog?
Micky: A dog!
Davy: Why?
Micky: Why?
’Cause I need a friend now
Davy: Babe, you need all the friends you can get, I’m telling you.
Micky: I’m gonna buy me a dog
My girl, my girl, don’t love me no how
Don’t ruin my song, man. It’s the only song I have.
Davy: It was already ruined before it was wrote.
Micky: Uh, where’s the verse?
She used to bring me my, my newspaper
There it is.
Davy: You don’t even know where it’s at.
Micky: ’Cause she knew where it was at
She used to keep me so contented
But I can teach a dog to do that?!
I’m gonna buy me a dog
Davy: You couldn’t teach a dog to do that; you can only train elephants.
Micky: ’Cause I need a friend now
Davy: I need a friend now!
Micky: Now.
Davy: Yeah!
Micky: I’m gonna buy me a dog
Davy: A dog. Here Rover, Fido, Spot.
Micky: A dog, here boy! [whistles]
My girl, my girl, don’t love me no how
One
Davy: Two
Micky: Three
Davy: Four-Six-Eight-Nine
Micky: One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six-Seven-Hike!
Davy: Hike?
Micky: Hike!
Davy: I was late on that one.
Micky: Oh, yeah.
Davy: I just got back from Africa, y’know? I was playing cards with the natives.
Micky: Oh! Zulus?
Davy: No, I usually won. Ha. Ha.
Micky: Gee, I wish I had a glass of water.
Davy: Why, are you thirsty?
Micky: No, I want to see if my neck leaks. I’d buy a raccoon but John already has one.
Davy: Thirty-five bucks!
Micky: Where, where do I come in?
?: Get ready.
Micky: Get ready, I, I’m gonna buy me a dog
Davy: Dog!
Micky: A dog, hmm!
Davy: Yeah!
Micky: ’Cause I need a friend now
Davy: Yeah yeah!
Micky: Yeah yeah, boop-boop, sh-bop-bop, ram-a-lama—
I’m gonna buy me a dog
?: Try the next verse.
Micky: When my girl, my girl don’t love me no how
How
Davy & Micky: Now brown cow.
Micky: I think I’m gonna buy me a dog, yessir, I’m gonna buy me a dog, if I was looking for a word to describe what I’m gonna buy-
Davy: Would it—
Micky: —I think dog would be the word!
Davy: —Would it be dog?
Micky: It would be dog.
Davy: Definitely dog.
Micky: It would come springing from my lips, dog.
Davy: Springing from—
Micky: Boing! Boing! Boing!
Davy: Let’s get out of here.
Micky: It would be springing from my—
Davy: Is that it, Tommy? Can you turn it off, please? Can somebody open the door and let us out? They’re coming to take us away, ha-ha, hee-hee, ha-ha.