Dallas Williams Screen Test Transcript

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, Dallas? What’s your scene, man? I mean, you got, come on, like with a straight jacket and all buttoned down.

DALLAS:
Oh, it’s good, I got my-my French cuffs on it. No, I had a terrible mistake. I got a haircut two days ago, and I was under pressure to get a haircut.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Do guys stop you? About your hair?

DALLAS:
And I was supposed to get a haircut, and I told him, like just—’cause it was a little fuzzy in the back, you know.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Yeah.

DALLAS:
And I said, I said, “just take the furs off of it” and don’t touch the front.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Take the what off it? I can’t hear you, Dallas.

DALLAS:
The furs, you know, like the, uh…

??? (O.S.):
Split ends.

DALLAS:
Yeah, the split ends.

??? (O.S.):
And the hairspray. That’s terrible.

DALLAS:
But they get behind ya, and-and, uh, you don’t know what they’re doing, and they cut it off, ’cause they think for two and a quarter they should do something.

??? (O.S.):
And they’re behind you and you don’t know what they’re doing?

DALLAS:
And they like hair all over the place, you know, and they say, “well, you know, we really did it here”.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Well, look, man—

DALLAS:
Gonna hill him.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I mean, what’s it like putting barbers out of work? You know, there are unions, you know, man?

DALLAS:
Yeah, I know. I go to a non-union barber.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, hey, Dallas? Where you from?

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Where?

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Ketchikan?

DALLAS:
K-E-T-C-H-I-K-A-N.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Wait, hold it down, fellas; I can’t hear him.

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Ketchikan, Alaska?

DALLAS:
Ketchikan, Alaska, on the island of Revillagigedo.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
When did—how did you get—

??? (O.S.):
It’s okay.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
How did you get down here, man?

??? (O.S.):
Swam.

??? (O.S.):
Took an iceberg.

DALLAS:
No, uh, I came down with my mother.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Is, was she a pioneer type?

DALLAS:
Was she as use to me. [???]

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Is she a pioneer type chick?

DALLAS:
No. She didn’t like it at all.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
How long were you up there?

DALLAS:
Uh, ’bout a year. Then we came out here.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I asked you where you were born, you told me Alaska, man.

DALLAS:
I was born in Alaska.

??? (O.S.):
He was only there—

DALLAS:
And I was up there a year. And then I went to Seattle for a while.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Yeah. Yeah.

??? (O.S.):
How was that?

DALLAS:
And, uh, Seattle?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What happened there?

DALLAS:
It’s a putrid town. Um, wasted some time until my father got out of the army, and then we came down here.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Your old man’s in the army?

DALLAS:
No. No.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Who got out of the army?

DALLAS:
My father got out of the army.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What was he in? What-what kinda army is that?

DALLAS:
Uh—our side.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
I mean, a pro?

DALLAS:
No. It was during the war. I was a—I’m a war baby.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Where’d you get that song from?

DALLAS:
From the Holy Modal Rounders.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Where-where are they out of?

DALLAS:
Steve Weber and Peter Stampfel.

GUY WITH GLASSES:
They’re out of the Village in New York.

DALLAS:
Actually, Buck’s County, Pennsylvania.

GUY WITH GLASSES:
That little ???.

DALLAS:
Right in there, baby. It’s happening.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Hey, Dallas, let me ask you something. How did you get that name, Dallas?

DALLAS:
Uh, it’s a family name. It’s a Welsh name.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Yeah?

DALLAS:
Means “dweller by the waterfall”.

GUY WITH GLASSES:
Oh, he can do some Scottish calls if you want him to.

DALLAS:
Sure, you wanna hear a Scottish call?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
What are you, his manager, ???, or something like that, man? Look, the guy with the glasses on, he suddenly became a manager.

GUY WITH GLASSES (O.S.):
Uh, clear yourself out.

DALLAS:
Irish?

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Uh, Scottish.

DALLAS:
♪ Ah, McTavish is dead, and his brother don’t know
And his brother is dead, and McTavish don’t know it
They’re both lying dead in the same bed
And neither one knows that the other is dead ♪

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Oh my god, you’re all completely flipped out here.

DALLAS:
The Irish one goes, uh.
♪ Mary Mahoney, she’s getting so funny
She won’t be about on Saint Patrick’s Day
She’s sparing the brass for to buy a jackass
Will you take her to Mass on a Sunday ♪
Woo!

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Alright, everybody—