“Monkees on Tour” Script

Act One

INT. BEWITCHED SET

DAVY:
Hello. This is the last show of the season, and we’d really like to thank you for watching. A lot of groovy things have happened to us this year, and we really appreciate it.

MICKY:
Have a dime for a cup of coffee?

PETER:
That’s David Jones. He’s a young thingy, don’t you know?

MIKE:
You wanna go help an old man across the street?

DAVY:
No.

MIKE:
Well, I want you to go help an old man across the street.

DAVY:
Anyway, just stay tuned; we think we have something real groovy for ya. We want you kids to see what happens to us on the day of a concert.

MIKE:
It’s a night of a concert.

DAVY:
The night of the concert.

MIKE:
Night. Night of a concert. He’d be a good fella if he just build up his self-c—self—self-confidence.

“(Theme From) The Monkees”

Act Two

EXT. SKY HARBOR AIRPORT

GIRL:
It’s my coat.

MAN:
Well, why didn’t you bring a big sign?

GIRL:
Because we didn’t have enough time! Nobody knew about it ’til just now!

WOMAN:
No, I haven’t seen my daughters, my son, but I do believe they’re up there.

GIRL:
…heard on the radio, we came rushing down here—

GIRL:
About nine o’clock.

MAN:
Why?

GIRL:
Because we love ’em! They’re so great!

GIRL:
Is that the group… Monkees? I thought it was the Rolling Stones!

CROWD:
We want the Monkees! We want the Monkees! We want the Monkees! [screaming] We want the Monkees! [screaming] Davy! Davy! [screaming]

INT. SKY HARBOR AIRPORT

MAN:
Are you waiting for the Monkees?

MAN:
No, I’m waiting for them. (?)

INT. AUTOMOBILE

PETER:
How many ahead of us? Two ahead of us. Motorcycles.

INT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

PETER:
It’s the morning, man, what can I tell ya?

INT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

MIKE:
The thing that’s odd is because everybody laughs at me because I use all the preparations and all things that a, that a girl uses, I use it on my hair too, you know.

EXT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

DAVY:
Some of you people are up very early, man. It’s a drag. I think someone’s following me.

INT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

DAVY:
Okay, give me a big sandwich.

GIRL:
What’s happening? Oh, there’s my purse.

DAVY:
I am picking the sandwich up. I am putting the sandwich in my mouth. I am biting the sandwich.

???:
I don’t know what that one is.

PETER:
Oh, well, sure, why not. Extravagant? A dollar twenty, right?

MIKE:
Don’t be ridiculous. I mean, you give ’em a dollar fifteen and keep ’em in their place. Oh. Sorry. I better, I better go.

DAVY:
Will somebody go and wake Micky up?

INT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

PETER:
Hello, is—can I have Micky’s room please, Micky Dolenz? Ohh, Micky!

EXT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

DAVY:
You ain’t got no wings, you chicken. I’ve met your type before. You don’t have any wings. Don’t come near me! Ooh. I noticed you’ve been chasing me all this time. Now, things are gonna change, man. I am gonna chase you. You ready? Go. Run. Run. No, you’re chasing me.

EXT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

FAN:
Oh, darn! Oh, we got to get one for Cam! Where’s your piece of paper?

FAN:
Over here, I don’t care.

FAN:
Quick, quick, would you put to Cam, to Cam, C-A-M. To Cam.

EXT. ARIZONA STABLES

PETER:
I’m good for an amateur. Middling, I guess is what you’d call me.

DAVY:
I’d like a nice rough one.

PETER:
He’s good; he’s been a jockey.

MICKY:
I just wanna go bareback, man, I’m—

PETER:
What do you think of the long hair styles these days? My goodness, your hair is as long as mine, huh! Are you a boy or a girl, ha ha ha ha!

MICKY:
Do you realize you have a Monkee on your back?

DAVY:
I just wanna ride you, man, you know. You ever wanted to ride a person?

PETER:
I don’t wanna say that uh you’re a horse, but you’re no deer, dear.

MICKY:
If you do a good job there, nice horse, and don’t throw me off, and be careful, ’cause I don’t have any boots on.

WOMAN:
How long do you plan to be out now?

DAVY:
Three or four days, we don’t know, man.

MICKY:
Well, here we are back again, the same spot. I gotta tell ya, these boots are awful thin.

DAVY:
They weren’t made for walking, baby.

INT. AUTOMOBILE

SHANNON (V.O.):
Reports have it that the Monkees are getting closer to KRUX and the Shannon program.

INT. KRUX RADIO STATION

SHANNON:
A matter of minutes before the Monkees hit KRUX!

MIKE:
What is this? Lenny, get out of the radio station, man! Totally away!

???:
What’s going on here?

MIKE:
Go away, everybody!

???:
What are you, what are you doing?!

???:
Can I get back in there?

MIKE:
Go away, will ya please?!

MICKY:
Uh, where’s the disc jockey? Taking Monkee requests, call in, KRUX farm report. Tell ’em.

MIKE:
We’ve uh, got the farm report here. Uh and they’re, are cows is up fourteen and chickens is down twenty-seven and uh, pigs is down thirty-seven and most of the javelina hogs is just fine like they is. We’re gonna go into our mail bag now with a letter here from Mr. Leonard T. Kretchlow. Every morning I get up about seven thirty and wander out into the yard. There I notice that several of my chickens is now laying on the ground, cold and stiff with their feet in the air. Could you tell me, possibly, what is wrong with them?

MICKY:
Mr. Kretchlow… Mr. Kretchlow, your chickens are dead.

MIKE:
That’s the KRUX farm report. Chickens are dead.

“The Girl I Knew Somewhere”

INT. KRUX RADIO STATION

MIKE:
Well, since we took over the radio station, we thought we’d find us the prettiest little eighteen year old girl that we could and bring her into the station and talk to her. And we’re on the air now, be cool. Let me ask you, if you really found out that none of us could play a note and couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, would you hate us?

GIRL:
No.

MIKE:
No? Why, why is that?

GIRL:
Well, because you’re putting people on pretty good if you don’t.

MIKE:
Ha ha ha ha, that’s great. Okay, well, for those skeptics out there who still don’t believe we don’t play our own instruments, come down and tell ’em you know me, and I’ll get you in free.

EXT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

CROWD:
[screaming]

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM - BACKSTAGE

MICKY:
—the W.C. on, that’s that light stuff.

PETER:
Sorry, if he wants to do light, he can—

MICKY:
I don’t think he knew.

PETER:
—it’s just a matter of getting color.

MIKE (V.O.):
Peter stated it real well. Your life when you go out on the road turns into an endless tunnel of just limousines and airplanes and hotel rooms. And all of a sudden there’s one brief period of light, and that’s when you walk out there on the stage, you know. And it all seems worthwhile.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

CROWD:
[screaming]

Act Three

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

CROWD:
[screaming]

“Last Train to Clarksville”

CROWD:
[screaming]

“Sweet Young Thing”

CROWD:
[screaming]

“Mary, Mary”

CROWD:
[screaming]

MICKY:
Thank you! Mary! Mar—Mar—

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM - BACKSTAGE

PETER:
Great, fantastic concert! They’re unbelievable out there! It was incredible.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

MICKY:
Mary Mary Mary!

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM - BACKSTAGE

DAVY:
Oh, man!

PETER:
Heh heh.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

MICKY:
Where ya going, Mary—Mike? Davy? Peter?

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM - BACKSTAGE

DAVY:
They’re waiting for you, man.

MIKE:
Go, man.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

MICKY:
A big round of applause for Peter Tork.

PETER:
Thank you! Thank you so much!

“Cripple Creek”

EXT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

PETER (V.O.):
After a concert, my ears are ringing for… around twelve hours, and after a number of days of this kind of thing, you, you really need some absolute quiet for a while. And, uh, it’s not, it’s not fun to avoid people all the time, you… spend all your time running from, that’s nowhere. So, you, you walk, just uh, a little green, and a little quiet, you hope, if you can find it any place. Helps if you can.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

“Cripple Creek”

PETER:
Thank you! Thank you very much! ??? Mr. Mike “Wool Hat” Nesmith!

“You Can’t Judge A Book By Looking At The Cover”

INT. AUTOMOBILE

MIKE:
I used to cut class and take a chair and go and sit in the middle of the stage—huh huh—and look, and look out at this empty house, and just play, like it was full of people screaming. And uh, and I kept thinking to myself, “Someday, man, someday”. But it’s still the same ???. Instead of thinking, “Well, I’ve made it”, I keep thinking, “Someday, man, someday”.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

“You Can’t Judge A Book By Looking At The Cover”

MIKE:
And now, here is the world’s best looking midget, Davy Jones!

“I Wanna Be Free”

EXT. MOUNTAIN SHADOWS RESORT HOTEL

DAVY:
How many days—I’ve lost, man, I lose track of time. I don’t know what—I couldn’t tell you what day it was today. I, you know, you got every—at home, you got everything worked out from hour to hour or from minute to minute. Here, you know, you, you don’t what you’re gonna do. Like uh, I got up this morning at eleven o’clock, and I went over there and played with the damn—with the swan for an hour.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
You played with—why did you play with the swan?

DAVY:
I don’t know. It looked lonely.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

“I Wanna Be Free”

MIKE:
There he is, the hardest working man in show business. None other than Micky “James Brown” Dolenz! One, two, three, four!

“I Got a Woman”

EXT. MAN’S HOUSE

MICKY (V.O.):
This morning, I went to this house that uh, a man had built all by himself, and I really got hung up on it, ’cause uh, when I was a kid, I, I used to build a lot of things. And I know I’ve got a lot going for me with the music and the show and everything, but, but still uh, someday, I’d, I’d like to make something, something that’ll last. Something important. Something I, I can say is my own.

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

“I Got a Woman”

MICKY:
Thank you! Thank you very much!

“(I’m Not Your) Steppin’ Stone”

CROWD:
[screaming]

INT. ARIZONA VETERANS MEMORIAL COLISEUM

???:
Come on, get in the car, fellas.

BOB RAFELSON (O.S.):
Come on, let’s get going.

???:
Shut the door.

Tag

EXT. VARIOUS

“I’m a Believer”

INT. KRUX RADIO STATION

MIKE:
We’d like to thank everybody for making it a wonderful stay. We’d like to thank the Rolling Stones for being a great group. We’d like to thank the Mamas and Papas for making it good. We’d like to thank Lovin’ Spoonful for making it happy. But most of all, we’d like to thank the Beatles for starting it all up for us.

“I’m a Believer”