Are You Obsessed with The Monkees?

  1. You have sudden urges to do the Davy Dance.
  2. Often.
  3. You don’t vacuum your hair because The Monkees might be in it.
  4. Whenever you get dressed up, your friends ask you, “Are you going to see The Monkees today?”
  5. You dress up as one of The Monkees for Halloween.
  6. You are somehow able to justify dressing up as a Monkee on a day other than Halloween.
  7. You can sing all of “Goin’ Down” without running out of breath.
  8. When you see the name “Mary” you feel strangely compelled to write another “Mary” beside it.
  9. You are nice to everyone, because you never know… they may be related to a Monkee!
  10. You sing the Monkees Kellogg’s jingle whenever you see a Kellogg’s product.
  11. You know what days Mrs. Weefers comes to clean the Monkees pad.
  12. You scream at your mommy and daddy that they’re living in a lie.
  13. You accidentally say “don’t do that” or “you must be joking” and burst out laughing.
  14. You think it’s funny when you see or hear words from Monkees songs (“Municipal? Tee hee hee!”).
  15. If the first song you hear in the morning is “This Just Doesn’t Seem To Be My Day”, you refuse to get out of bed.
  16. While watching game shows, you always root for the person named Peter, Mike, Micky, or Davy.
  17. You punch a hole in the wall whenever you get angry.
  18. You walk into a drive-in and say, “I haven’t felt so starved in years!”
  19. When you eat a sandwich, you announce, “I am picking the sandwich up, I am putting the sandwich in my mouth…”
  20. You have named a child/pet/inanimate object after one of The Monkees.
  21. You have seriously contemplated changing your name to Magnolia, Valleri, or Rosemarie.
  22. You call your aunt “Grizelda” and try to make her have a fit.
  23. You call one of your parents “Saturday” so that you can be Saturday’s Child.
  24. When typing the word “monkey”, you’ve gotten into a pattern of typing “m-o-n-k-e-e-backspace-y”.
  25. You can tell the difference between the remixed bonus tracks on the CDs and original versions (eg. on PAC&J).
  26. You beat up pop machines when they are sold out. Or if you just happen to pass by one. (For revenge!)
  27. You can name where each clip in the show’s opening theme came from.
  28. You get laryngitis and refuse to say anything but “crayon”, even though it really hurts when you do.
  29. If you happen to say just one word from a Monkees song, you can’t help but coninute singing the line.
  30. You get mad when people call “I’m A Believer” “Then I Saw Her Face”.
  31. You get mad when people call “Daydream Believer” “Cheer Up Sleepy Jean”.
  32. Whenever you see anything—a cat, dog, person—that is short or small, you call them Davy.
  33. You go into department stores and kiss the mannequins.
  34. You ask random people on the street if they know the water’s turning yellow.
  35. If someone says one of The Monkees names, you automatically assume they are talking about that Monkee.
  36. You get mad when you have to specify you are talking about, for example, Peter Tork.
  37. You join a drama club and try to convince the director to do a Head play.
  38. 33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee doesn’t scare you (anymore).
  39. “Pillow Time” is your favourite nursery rhyme.
  40. The porpoise is a much more interesting animal than it once was.
  41. You know “Milkshake” is a song by Peter Tork (and not Kelis).
  42. The Davy Dance has become your automatic way of dancing without realizing it.

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