Monkee Recipes

Magazine: Monkee Spec. #5
Editor: Ralph Benner
Published:
Volume: 1
Number: 5
Publisher: New Asbury Ltd. Publishing Co.
Page: 56–57

THIS MONTH:

Davy, Peter, Mike & Micky’s favorite hamburger goodies!

I was just putting my hair through a second soaking of shampoo when the phone decided to be its natural noisy self and let out a series of screeching dings. It was superboss politely letting me know that if I didn’t get my recipes in on time, my name would shortly be dried mud. Leaving my hair in the fabulous new dried soap style, I tore off to RCA where my favorite Monkee targets were recording their new album.

The soapy flash

I screeched to a sudden halt in front of a simply hugest guard whose jaw promptly dropped to the ground and shattered the pavement. I took advantage of his temporary state of shock, sailed past him into the studio and bumped smack into a mirror. No wonder he let me pass, I looked like an escapee from a detergent commercial in its soapiest stage.

Whizzing into studio C, I hid behind a huge gigantic screen where I could closely observe the actions of Davy, Peter, Mike and Micky without them seeing me. After all, how would it look if this simply super recipe thief got caught?

The Monkees were up to something. My nose could smell it right away. It smelled like the “Great Hamburger In The Back Room Cook-In”. I knew I was imagining things. After all, the Monkees just wouldn’t cook hamburgers in a recording studio would they?

Super groovy smells

Just then, I heard their producer paging Davy over the microphone and an instant search started. Two seconds later Davy was being forcefully ordered to “Put that stuff down and sing.” He dragged himself out of the back room where all the groovy smells were coming from with a couple of pieces of pineapple in his hand and took his place in front of the microphone.

He warbled out eight bars and suddenly everyone realized that the drums were missing or, rather that Micky was missing from the drums. I sniffed again. It was hamburger! I had to find out his secret recipe and so at the risk of being discovered and horrors! caught! I made a frantic dash for the aforementioned back room.

Caught leadfooted!

I was halted by the commanding voice of Dynamic Dolenz, “Leave my Barbecued Burger alone!”

I turned to fly away and weakly gulped as the other three Monkees closed in on me. I’d been caught! What would Superboss say? I resigned myself to my capture and my only thought was the horror of being trapped with soapy hair.

“At last we have you in our clutches, you recipe thief!” grinned Mike.

“I’ve been looking all over for you ever since you printed my Hot Potato Salad recipe”, muttered Peter, “That recipe was supposed to be a family secret!”

“Do you know what we’re going to do with you?” gloated Micky as Davy shoveled me into a chair.

“No, what?” I quivered.

“We’re going to let you try out our hamburger recipes and then you have to guess what’s in them. If you don’t… we’ll let you babysit with Fraak!” sang Mike gleefully.

Fraak! That dog hates me and I couldn’t guess wrong. So resigned to my fate I decided to try and guess Mike’s recipe first. I frantically took a bite out of his concoction and bit into… four pieces of paper. Oh for super joy! I was gleeping with happiness as I leaped out of the nearest doorway with their super secret hamburger recipes and dashed home to rinse the soap out of my hair and gloatingly report to Superboss.

Micky’s barbequed burgers

1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3 tablespoons chopped onion
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Fat, Barbeque sauce

Combine beef, onion, crumbs, salt and pepper. Form into patties and brown slowly in fat. Cover with barbeque sauce and cook fifteen minutes longer, turning over occasionally. Serves six.

Peter’s cheddar burgers

1 cup chopped onions
2 pounds ground beef
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
Salt and pepper

Combine onions, salt, pepper and beef. Roll into balls and put in pan to cook. When finished, top with shredded cheddar cheese. Serve with potato chips. Serves six to eight.

Mike’s guacamole burger

1 1/2 pounds ground beef
Dash salt and pepper
Toasted buns

Combine beef, salt and pepper and cook in pan or oven broil. Put on buns and serve with Guacamole spread. Serves six.

Guacamole spread

2 Avocados
1/2 onion finely chopped
Dash garlic salt
1/3 teaspoon lemon juice
Dash Paprika
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Combine the avocados, lemon juice, onion and garlic salt. Mix thoroughly until creamy. Spread on buns and top with paprika and cheddar cheese.

Davy’s Hawaiian burger

1 1/2 pounds ground beef
Pineapple slices
Salt and pepper
1/2 cup of shredded coconut

Combine beef and salt and pepper and cook. Put pineapple in oven and broil for 1 minute. Put pineapple on one bun and top with shredded coconut. Put hamburger on other bun and serve. Serves six.